**LIFE IS FULL WITH HOPES. NEVER GIVE UP!!**

My dad asked me how's internship.

All my negative emotions oozed out uncontrollably, on the verge of shedding tears. My primary thought is on how to break the bond now, by paying back their scholarship etc. Deep in my heart, I even blamed my parents for not giving me good advices or the most I hope is, they would be able to pay back the scholarships so that I can break the bond. But no point doing so and as much as I hope, I don't wanna burden them.

Yet again, I am an adult now, I should be able to bear the responsibilities of choosing my own path, which determines my future . An adult should understand whatever decision he/she makes now will determine her future life.

A year ago, I chose to sign contract with CANON Malaysia , by accepting their RM 9000 scholarships per annum and bond to their company for two years. In total, I will be getting RM 18 k and work for the company for two years upon graduation. Majority of my friends and family gave positive feedbacks about it, only a few warned me about the shortcomings of the CSR program , but I never bothered.

My logic is simple. Securing a job in this competitive society is hard, what's more with my merely surviving CGPA and not-so-prestigious university, How could I be as competent as the overseas graduates? Call me lack of confidence or perhaps I am finding a safety net or perhaps at the same time I deprived myself of better opportunities like the oil and gas companies.Things can turn out two ways, at both extremes.

I didn't think much and go on with the agreement, happily spending and saving the RM 9k . I lived like a king once where I spent lavishly without even looking at the price tag. Even if I do so, I would convince myself to buy things that I want, cause I always think money are meant to be spent.

Ta da! HERE COMES MY MOST HARD-EARNED RM 500! Internship allowance!!

I walked to the company with pride and dreams on my first day, but not later than a few hours, I knew I have gone to a wrong place, my hope shattered.I knew those things that I want in life , I dreamt in life could never be achieved by earning a humble salary every month.

I worked from 8am to 5.30pm everyday, without even a minute access to the internet, to the newspaper during office hour. There's no wifi or LAN at all! I have 3 breaks per day, 10 mins for morning break, 40 mins for lunch, and 10 mins for tea, not exceeding an hour for all the breaks. In a very strict and discipline company, 8am means 8am , not even a slight delay, we have to be there 10 mins earlier for every occasion! I always think, without access to the cyber world, opportunities to learn and to get up-to-date information are halted. You will be an engineer who works hard in the factory, in your own environment.

Next, the environment is not fun and lively at all! Everyone is like machines, burying their heads to the desks everyday. I don't even feel like initiate the conversation. They don't joke, they are nerds lol.I wondered do they even have a dream.

My manager who was supposed to motivate me, demotivates me. He told me he has served the company for 22 years and thinks that it's not a good company to stay.He said the company doesn't cater a platform to fulfill my dreams. He asked me to leave, provided I have found a better job. However, he said it's better than any other tom, dick and harry companies out there, at least it has proper structure for training and it's a well-known company.

He said the company is good except for its meager salary and its dead working environment. Feeling sorry for me that I've already bonded to the company for two years, he wants me to do presentation about the project in front of the Board of Directors. I thank him for giving me such opportunities to shine.

I told myself, if I think that people is lousy then I should prove to the company I am capable and handling projects and presentations.

I pulled myself back to reality now - TO THINK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE ON THE ADVERSE CONDITION.

Back to basis. Back to my initial motive of accepting the scholarships. Still, I need the experience to enter great companies since my results doesn't have a stronger say.

Though the salary is not so convincing, I can always save them. How much you have depends on how much you save and not how much you earn. Since the company is super near to my house, I can save on food, accommodation and transport , also the traffic congestion.

I can take up Japanese language course cause they will give us allowance every month if let's say we were to pass the language proficiency test. I'm gonna make it to the rm 300 and above range. I don't care the precedent cases but as long as I want it, I must make sure I will realize it.

I have a good manager who constantly find ways for me to shine, and to prove myself, out of sympathy maybe. lol

Can take up courses on the environment system, SHE or maybe a MBA. Since CANON has done pretty good in its EMS, there're things I should learn from there.

The company treated us special since we are their first batch scholars. They never failed to entertain our requests, like what we want to learn in the internship period. The Managing Director personally asked the managers to prepare a training schedule for us, other trainees don't get that. So I will be stationed at th production engineering site for a month,EMS for a month, cost engineering and also on the assembly of camera. Oh yea, I will be learning autoCAD and NX again :)

Hopefully 2 years later, they will change the salary scheme.

come on it's only 2 years in CANON!!And it's not any tom, dick and harry companies. Treasure the opportunities to learn . I must walk to the company positively on Wednesday and make friends with everyone! Hopefully, 2 years later, I can proceed with o and g companies, be a project engineer and be successful!

All in all, study is easier. Must aim to score in next sem. It's easier to aim now after I've stepped into the working world, though it's only an internship.