I am so speechless and disappointed... that no words can describe my feeling. I don't see all these things coming to me, on the last day itself; or maybe it was accumulated long back then - like a time bomb, it blasted now. When the manager came to me, all I could do is just smile. No explanations and justifications are needed, he will not listen anyway. Never had I feel so helpless - to the point that I could just smile.
Why would I do all these things ?! Who on Earth doesn't want to leave the company with good reputation and impression - like how they came in. Who on Earth doesn't want to keep good relationship with their former employers as they have showered her with hope and love.
I don't even know how to explain the situation and feelings in words. Some colleagues just wanna take advantage of my situation , telling me who to pinpoint and complain about in this situation to HR; but why shall I ? Those opinions are just favoring them so they don't need to prove themselves so hard. I have my own judgement.
But now, I am so lost that I don't even know why all these happened. I thought by doing my work, concentrating on the job and meeting deadlines will be more than sufficient but apparently, it is not that easy. Sometimes you get confused by mixed instructions - I was told this is correct but it is wrong the next day and redo again on the third day. I was shocked when my supervisor reported in the status meeting that the work is 40% near to completion but in my heart I knew well it is no where near. I just kept quiet, thinking that maybe he has some plans behind. Yeah indeed, when the next status meeting is up and the manager found out that we are way behind, the next thing I knew is the blame is already on me. Oh well, perhaps I should report my own status next time without having to listen to others, regardless of my position. Hey, it's my work after all ! I don't need to conform or complied to your percentage !
Someone analysed to me. It's only by now I understand the meaning of pending review and pending completion. Pending completion is from my side and pending review is obviously on the other party. She said, if I continue to remain silent, it will be seen as though I didn't do my work but most of the time, it's pending review. Hence I often have lots of free time and people will perceive as "not focus". But I really have nothing to do ! She asked me to speak up before I leave.
I didn't want. I will only speak up when I think people will listen to me. Furthermore, he has already established the full trust on him; why shall I ruin it. The trust was not formed easily. I can be the most disgusting culprit and I really hope the success of the project. I hoped the team will be really functioning. In life, you have to be really stupid or really smart. If you're really stupid, you wouldn't know all these things going on and save you from heartache. If you are really smart, you will not be stuck in this situation at all. If you are in between, you always want to save the situation but obviously fail.
I am so disappointed...in my first job itself ; on the weird situations and the by-standers who apparently wanted to "help"me but I definitely know their intentions. Please stop telling me what I need to do and should do you people ! Leave me alone ! And now I have to patch my soul hoping that it's not going to be the same everywhere...
I do miss my NL colleagues..very much..for their positivism and their openness in accepting my decision. They wish me all the best sincerely and genuinely, very much different from here. I promised not to disappoint them and I wanna let down those who look down on me. I knew I am different - I just need some time to prove myself.
I hoped after today, I will not be haunted by my past job experience.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Law of Attraction and Power of Subconcious Mind
Like it or not, this is very real and happening in life. I experienced it in the bank today.
The idea is simple. Know what you want in life and it will brings you there. The most important factor - know what you wants and set your mind to it. Never once doubt your decision ( environmental factors) because it will counter-act. Be firm with your decision and make it clear in your mind.
The idea is simple. Know what you want in life and it will brings you there. The most important factor - know what you wants and set your mind to it. Never once doubt your decision ( environmental factors) because it will counter-act. Be firm with your decision and make it clear in your mind.
Humble
A mum who is pround of her ice-skater daughter in the flight. Can even see her face beaming with joy. A 12 year old daughter who is too proud of herself till she forgot how much her mum has sacrificed behind her sucess. She is a housewife. She rolled her eyes when I said, " Your mum must cook you lotsa of good food because she's a housewife." No appreciation at all. She continued telling me where's her next destination for her ice-skating competition; sabottaging my conversation with her mum.
Mann, one shall always remain humble regardless what he/she has achieved. It is only humbleness and selfless share of knowledge and motivations that make one seem to acheive greater than he/she thought. By showing off, for example, which corporate ladder you've climbed, only show your insecurities and shallowness. Nothing is interesting when you show everything on the surface, it is only interesting when people needs to explore/find them out.
Being subtle and wear a smile to acknowledge people of their achievements is always the safest way. It is the tickle down effect to create inner motivation for people. That's why CEO/Headmasters/Directors always wear a warm smile. Always be thankful regardless, there's no one man show, it is the collective effort of all.
I hope this girl fall at least once in her growing childhood, not too hard, but enough for her to learn her lesson. Mum has sacrificed her own career/talents/passion/hobbies to take care of the family, making sure everyone has a comfy life. Being grateful and humble goes long way in life.
Mann, one shall always remain humble regardless what he/she has achieved. It is only humbleness and selfless share of knowledge and motivations that make one seem to acheive greater than he/she thought. By showing off, for example, which corporate ladder you've climbed, only show your insecurities and shallowness. Nothing is interesting when you show everything on the surface, it is only interesting when people needs to explore/find them out.
Being subtle and wear a smile to acknowledge people of their achievements is always the safest way. It is the tickle down effect to create inner motivation for people. That's why CEO/Headmasters/Directors always wear a warm smile. Always be thankful regardless, there's no one man show, it is the collective effort of all.
I hope this girl fall at least once in her growing childhood, not too hard, but enough for her to learn her lesson. Mum has sacrificed her own career/talents/passion/hobbies to take care of the family, making sure everyone has a comfy life. Being grateful and humble goes long way in life.
Money
How much money is only enough?! I don't need so much money if I'm happy.
Unfortunately, there are so much things that can't be bought by money. Money is only valuable if it can be exchanged for goods at the right time. I attended my cousin's wedding and visited my uncle in Singapore, he is so sick. All he can do now is lie on the sick bed , waiting to be fed.
However, he is still very concious of his surroundings. When I gave him SGD 50 ( as told to do so by my mum), he refused to take it. I continued to stuff it into his pocket saying, " to buy things that you like". He held on to his breathe, gathering all the remaining strength and uttered " Why.. don't.. you.. buy.. for.. me..? "; gasping for air again after the whole sentence. He has pneumonia. He loved me more than my dad; he brought us around when we were still young, he bought us food from pasar malam etc. It hurts me so so much and I felt so stupid. Why do you give sick person money ? What can they do with the..paper ? I cried so so hard; throughout the wedding ceremony. I wish I talk to him more, visit him more when he was healthy and in good condition.
That's why I dont like giving my parents money to show that I'm a filaal daughter. It's just so shallow. I do rather buy things home to make my siblings happy and bring them out for dinner. Money is only valuable by spending that way - to create quality time with everyone. I will only give them money if I am away from home, that's the least thing I could do. I am not sure where will I be in years to come, but I will definitely treasure the time when we are together.
However, due to the generation gap, my mum ( after her gossiping sessions with the aunties) often needs to see the piece of paper to show that we still remember them and we care for them. Hence I give in. If that makes her happy, I don't mind. To me, money is really a piece of paper if it doesn't serve the purpose at the right time. Hence we must make sure it is being spent at the right time and for the right purpose, never even once let desire overtakes you.
Unfortunately, there are so much things that can't be bought by money. Money is only valuable if it can be exchanged for goods at the right time. I attended my cousin's wedding and visited my uncle in Singapore, he is so sick. All he can do now is lie on the sick bed , waiting to be fed.
However, he is still very concious of his surroundings. When I gave him SGD 50 ( as told to do so by my mum), he refused to take it. I continued to stuff it into his pocket saying, " to buy things that you like". He held on to his breathe, gathering all the remaining strength and uttered " Why.. don't.. you.. buy.. for.. me..? "; gasping for air again after the whole sentence. He has pneumonia. He loved me more than my dad; he brought us around when we were still young, he bought us food from pasar malam etc. It hurts me so so much and I felt so stupid. Why do you give sick person money ? What can they do with the..paper ? I cried so so hard; throughout the wedding ceremony. I wish I talk to him more, visit him more when he was healthy and in good condition.
That's why I dont like giving my parents money to show that I'm a filaal daughter. It's just so shallow. I do rather buy things home to make my siblings happy and bring them out for dinner. Money is only valuable by spending that way - to create quality time with everyone. I will only give them money if I am away from home, that's the least thing I could do. I am not sure where will I be in years to come, but I will definitely treasure the time when we are together.
However, due to the generation gap, my mum ( after her gossiping sessions with the aunties) often needs to see the piece of paper to show that we still remember them and we care for them. Hence I give in. If that makes her happy, I don't mind. To me, money is really a piece of paper if it doesn't serve the purpose at the right time. Hence we must make sure it is being spent at the right time and for the right purpose, never even once let desire overtakes you.
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